Finding Hope: Chapter 3

   Weeks went by like a hurricane. Connor wasn't in the hospital anymore, he was living at home again, which was good for him. I went to see him as often as I could. The more I saw him, it was going to be harder for me to say goodbye... I didn't know how I was going to face that. Saying goodbye forever. Which made the pain in my heart grow even more.
   One day I went to see Connor. Something caught me by the eye. Something I never thought I'd see.
   "Now, I  know what you're thinking, how did this happen?" Connor said gesturing me to sit on the couch.
   I nodded, he went on, "Well, when you have cancer, you're hair falls out from the medicine you're taking. Get it now?"
   I remember learning about that somewhere. I nodded again feeling cold with sadness.
   "Hey, you okay, Mads?" I looked up surprised. He hasn't called me 'Mads' in such a long time. He gave me that nickname when we were little kids.
   He noticed I looked surprised and said, "Yes, I still remember the nickname I gave you, you want to tell me what's the matter?"
   I shook my head with regret. I knew I should have told him what's on my mind, but I can't put it into words. How I feel about his cancer, how I really care about him. But, I just couldn't do it.
   Connor looked away. Dead silence lurked into his living room. Coldness. Emptiness started to come to me. Say something! Someone! Please, I can't take this anymore!
   I jumped up, ran out of his house and down the street feeling the shivers from the cold fall air flashing through my body.
   I run in my backyard, climb up the tree that hangs to my window, hop inside my room, kick my boots off, and fall to my bed crying.
   What an idiot! Why did you do that in front of Connor. He probably thinks you're crazy now, Madison! I thought of all of the mean things I was saying to myself. I hated myself for it, but I shouldn't, it was wrong to hate, but I didn't care right now.
   After a few minutes, I calmed down. Now, I had to go back to Connor's house and apologize.
   But, when I got to the door to walk out, Connor was standing right there.
   "Hey, Madison. I came to say, I'm sorry if I ever said anything to you that made you run away. Sorry," I was shocked at this.
   "Oh, Connor, it wasn't your fault. I just have so many thoughts going on in my crazy head that I can't bear to tell you," I confessed.
   "Well maybe if you told me, you wouldn't feel like this anymore, maybe I could help you," Connor suggested.
   "Alright, I'll try. Come on in." I said.
   I told Connor everything. When I was done, he said, "Madison, it'll be okay. I know what's coming... and I'm not afraid," he was trembling with his words.
   "I be there for you no matter what, okay?" he said.
   I hesitated, "Promise?"
   He responded, "Promise."