Finding Hope: Chapter 9

   When everyone was ready to go to D.C. Jane said, "I'm scared of airplanes... do we have to take one?"
   We looked at her while putting our coats on, "Yes, Janie. It would take a long time to get there if we drove," I said. She frowned, and then... "Why do we always do everything for Madison! All we've talked about is, Oh, poor Madison! She needs to be loved, we need to drive her to the hospital to see her true love thats dying! All we talk about is, Madison, Madison, Madison!" she ran outside and slammed the door.
   We stood there processing our thoughts about what Jane just said. I then said, "I'll go talk to her, it won't take long."
   I slipped my coat on and walked out in the pouring rain. I looked for Jane and found her in the treehouse.
   I climbed up the tree to get to where she was sitting. Rain was splashing me in the face while I was trying to climb up there.
   I got up there, walked over to where she was sitting, and saw that she had been crying.
   "Hey... Jane?" I said staring at her with her hands covering her sobbing face. I touched her back and she twitched.
   "Janie? Please, don't be mad at me," I said.
   "Why shouldn't I?" she asked face still covered.
   "Because... I..." I paused not knowing how to respond to that.
   She was right. It truly was my fault. I had been the one everyone felt sorry for. I was the one everyone was so loving to. I had always gone to see Connor... and I didn't even buy Jane a Christmas present. And I hadn't even realized Jane was getting left out. I felt so bad for her now that I couldn't find the right words to say, so I just hugged her tightly.
   "I'm so sorry Jane!" I pleaded with forgiveness.
   After a while, she hugged me back saying, "I forgive you, Maddy. I forgive you."

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   We boarded the plane two hours later, and Jane was already feeling afraid. She was shaking so much. I was sitting by her so I tried to keep her calm.
   "It's okay, we'll be fine, Jane, I promise," I assured my sister.
   She nodded still shaking and afraid.
   Wow, this is the first time I have actually seen Jane afraid of something.
   Since we were on a plane, it took less hours to get to D.C. than driving in a car, so we landed about four hours later. It was still a long ride though.
   When we got there, Jane was starting to feel better thank goodness!
   We got to our hotel by taxi and fell right to sleep when we hit our hotel beds. It was about 5:00 when we got there, but we were still very very tired from being in an airplane.
   I was so excited about tomorrow, tomorrow was the Peddle for a Cure! I was so excited to do it... and I would do it for Connor.
  

Finding Hope: Chapter 8

   When I was visitng Connor one time, he told me, "Madison, can you go get something that was really special to me, I left it at the hospital,"
   I nodded and said, "Sure. I'll be right back."
   I left Connor's house and walked to the hospital. When I got there, I went to his former hospital room and looked around for something that was special to him. I looked on the bed and I saw a book. I picked it up and the title read: Catching Fire.
   I walked out of the room holding the book in my hands and then something caught my eye... I saw a news article that said: FINDING HOPE: Peddle for a Cure!
   I picked the article up and read the details. It said: STAND UP TO CANCER! Where: Washington  D.C. When: Saturday, February 4.
   A great idea came in my head. I'll go and peddle for a cure! I am great at biking! And I know who I'll do it for... I'll do it for Connor.
   I raced back to his house and couldn't wait to tell him the news! When I got there, I gave him his book and he saw me out of breath and my face was blood red from running in the cold.
   "Why are you so red and out of breath?" he asked.
   I told him all about what I just read, he seemed to like the idea and said, "That sounds really great, Madison. But... its in Washington D.C. Which is about 8 hours away from here,"
   I nodded, "I know, but I really want to do this... for... well for you," I explained to him.
   "Okay, have fun then..." he sighed, "I'll be here waiting for you when you are done." he said.
   "I know."

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   After my visit with Connor, I ran home to tell my family the great news.
   "Mom! Dad!" I yelled right when I walked in the door. I took off my jacket, kicked off my snow boots, and ran in the kitchen where I found my mom and dad talking at the table.
   "Mom, dad! Guess what?!" I said, but before they could say anything I said, "I just read an article and it said, Peddle for a Cure! Help cancer! And it is in Washington D.C. on February 4th! And that is this Saturday! Can I please do it?!" I pleaded.
   "Whoa, whoa, steady! What's this all about? Peddling for a cure? In Washington?" my dad asked.
   "Well, yeah... Washington D.C. And I want to do it so bad. I want to do it for Connor," I said looking at their surprised expressions on their faces.
   "Sit down, Madison," my dad said. I sat down.
   "Maddy, are you still upset about Connor leaving you?" my dad asked.
   I was silent. Very silent.
   "Maddy?" my mom asked. I looked up at them.
   "...Yeah," I said tears starting to form in my eyes.
   "We all are upset about it, you know. And... I think peddling for a cure will be something very fun, especially if you want to do it for Connor, right Peter?" my mom said looking at my father.
   He hesitated and then said, "Yes, I think so too,"
   I smiled, "So... you'll take me to Washington D.C?!"
   They smiled, "Yes, only if you promise to never ask of something like this again, okay?"
   My smile then turned into a huge grin, "Yes, of course! I'll never ask for anything ever again! You guys are so awesome!" I got up and hugged my parents.
   I then ran up to my bedroom and Jane came in the room, "Where are you going?" she asked while eating a lollipop.
   "Washington D.C.!" I exclaimed.
   "Why?" she asked very annoyingly.
   "None of your beeswax," I said trying to ignore my little sister.
   "I don't have beeswax, Maddy. Stop trying to be a grown-up!" and she stomped away eating her lollipop.
   Wow, now she got that wrong! She is always sounding like a grown-up.
   I hugged the article in my arms, fell back on my bed, and said, "Oh, Connor. Will you ever get better?"

Finding Hope: Chapter 7

   I walked in the cold to Connor's house. His house was not far from mine, about a block down the road.
   I hadn't dressed up yet. I was still in Capri's, sweatshirts, and ponytails. I didn't want to dress up at all anymore. I only dressed up because... well... because of Connor. I thought he would think I am pretty when I dressed up... but I don't feel pretty anymore. I don't feel the need to dress up. It's like a doorway to darkness. Darkness... that's all I'll ever feel.
   I knocked on their door and his mom answered, "Hello, Madison,"
   "Hi, Mrs. Hudson, can I go see Connor?" I asked.
   "Of course, he's up in his room." she told me.
   "Thank you." I replied. She let me in and I walked upstairs to his room.
   I walked up to his opened door and walked in.
   His room was plastered with posters and photos like always. He had dark green walls, and a blue rug. His bed was in the center where he was lying.
   "How are you?" I asked counting how many times I have said that in over a month.
   "I'm okay," his voice was below a whisper.
   "Can you move?" I felt really bad for him.
   He shook his head, "Not much,"
   I sat down in a chair next to him.
   I sat there wondering what to say next when he interrupted my thoughts and said, "I'll be leaving soon,"
   My heart started thumping in my chest, "No, don't say that,"
   He insisted, "But it's true. I feel terrible. I can hardly move. My final days are almost up," I grabbed his hands, "No, Connor. It's not true. You only think it is, but it's not. You will live longer, I promise," I started to cry.
   He swallowed hard, "Madison, please don't make this harder than it already is. I want to think like you, but I can't. What I say is true. Even the doctor said... the doctor said I only have a few more days to live... they've tried everything they could, but it just wasn't enough,"
   By this point I had streams of tears covering my face, he reached his hand out for my face and wiped the tears away.
   I stared longingly at his deathly sick, innocent face I have known forever and thought, maybe he is going to die soon, he looks so sick... I can't think like that!
   "You'll be okay, I promise," he said.
   I shook my head, "Not without you, you can't do this!"
   I started crying even more burying my face in his chest hugging him tightly.
   He stroked my hair, "You'll be okay,"
   I looked up at his pale face, "Okay,"
   He smiled shyly.
   I stood up looking at him wiping my tears away, "You won't forget me?" he asked.
   "Of course not.... will you look down and watch over me in Heaven?" I asked.
   "Yes, of course I will," he smiled.
   "You still love me?" I asked.
   "Yes, you still love me?" he repeated.
   "Yes."
   I smiled back. He loved me. I loved him. That was all that mattered.
  
  

Finding Hope: Chapter 6

   Connor never left the hospital, he was in there for three weeks. I went to see him every single day. Every possible minute, thinking his time was almost up.
   He looked good some days, but others he looked like he was near death. It pained me whenever I saw him looking like that.
   One day I found out he wasn't in the hospital anymore. He was back at home living his life again, pretending nothing happened.
   Jane came up to me one day and said, "How's Connor?" I looked at my little sister and said, "He's getting worse, why?"
   She fiddled with her fingers a little, "I don't know, it's just. It breaks my heart to see you like this everyday. You're always looking down and you always look sad. I hate to see you like that,"
   I looked at her with caring eyes, "I'm sorry I've been like that," She shrugged, "It's okay, in Connor's case, cancer is a pretty big deal,"
   I wrapped my arms around my little sister and said, "Jane, you sound so old for your age sometimes," she chuckled a little and said, "Now that, is my goal in life!"
   We laughed for a while and we just sat there hugging each other.
   She pulled away and said, "Connor will be okay, all you need is hope..." And she walked away.
   Hope. That's exactly what I needed! Oh, Jane! Thank you!
   And from that moment on, I felt like I was on top of the world.
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   My mom came in my room one day and said, "Hey Madison, how are you dealing with Connor?"
   "Not good, mom," I replied. She nodded and sat on my bed.
   "You want to talk about it?" she asked.
   I shook my head.
   "Really? You really don't want to talk about it?" she insisted.
   "No, but... I don't know how to deal with it, mom. I want to be with him every possible second until he leaves us... you know?" I said.
   "Yeah, I know. You need to go see him, Madison. He wants you to. I think he thinks the same thing," she said.
   "You think?" I asked.
   "I know."
   I nodded my head and said, "I'll go to see him now, right now."
   "Tell him how you feel, okay?" she said.
   "Yeah, I will."
  

Finding Hope: Chapter 5

   The past few days, I began to feel better, I felt happy, joy, no more coldness or sadness. It was like God shined a light of happiness over me, and I was so thankful. The nightmares had gone away, I felt  perfectly content... until today.
   My world started to turn upside down. This very day, Christmas Eve, Connor was raced to the hospital.
   My mom, dad, and Jane took me to the hospital to see what was wrong with Connor. We reached the hospital, I got out and ran to the doors, my mom, dad, and Jane followed.
   I got in the building panicking, I turned and saw Connors parents sitting in the waiting room impatiently.
   I hurried towards them. When I got to them, Mrs. Hudson said, "Oh, Madison. I'm so glad you're here," tears were rolling down her face, "Please, sit." I did as I was told and I asked, "What happened to him?" I asked trembling.
   She didn't look at me, "He just sort of fainted, and he never woke up. We finally raced him to the hospital... it's been an hour since we've seen him," I caught my breath.
   "Um... when can we see him?" I asked.
   "I'm not sure," she shrugged.
   My parents and Jane finally came in and sat down beside me. My mom rubbed my back, "He'll be okay. He's a very strong boy, you know,"
   I wiped away the tears I have been shedding, "How do you know?"
   "Because moms know everything." she assured me.
  
   We waited for an hour and finally heard some news.
   A nurse came to us and said, "Mr. and Mrs. Hudson? You may go an see your son now,"
   I stood up, "What about me, I'm his friend,"
   "You may go after his parents." the blonde haired nurse told me.
   I sat back down and waited.
   When his parents came out, they said, "You can go in now, he's waiting for you."
   I nodded, stood up, and walked to his room.
   When I opened the door, his face lit up.
   "Hey, Connor," I said with a smile. I walked to his bed and looked admiringly at his poor, sick face.
   "Hey," he could barely say. I could tell he was in a lot of pain.
   "How are you?" I asked touching his cold hand.
   "I'm okay..." he could barely speak, so I asked him no more questions.
   "Hey, I got you something, it's for Christmas, but you can open it now," I said giving him a small wrapped box with a shiny gold ribbon around it.
   He put his fingers around the box and opened it up.
   I had given him a new watch.
   The watch was real silver and it was supposed to last a long time.
   He smiled and said, "Thanks, Madison,"
   "Your welcome, Connor," I smiled and kissed his forehead.
   We didn't say anything. And I'm glad we didn't say anything. I just wanted to be alone with him for awhile, not talking, just enjoying every last moment with him.
   I stroked his beautiful, silky, brown hair with affection. He started to go to sleep. I stopped stroking when he was fully asleep and said, "Goodnight, Connor."
   I stood up, opening the door, turned my face to his sleeping self, smiled, and left his room.
  

Finding Hope: Chapter 4

   After Connor had left, I decided to pay a visit to someone special, someone I hadn't talked to in a while.
   I opened the tall wooden doors to the beautiful chapel. I walked inside, genuflected, and knelt down in one of the pews.
   I made the sign of the cross and began to pray, "Dear God, what is my purpose here on earth? Why does Connor have cancer? You made these things possible, but why? Is it because of me? Am I the reason he has brain cancer? If so, please tell me why. I need to know the truth. Hail Mary..." I began to pray the Hail Mary quietly.
   After I was done, I made the sign of the cross again and looked around the chapel. I saw an old man and a woman, supposedly a husband and wife in the front pew, I saw a middle aged woman with her eyes closed deep in prayer, and a priest. The priest was at the altar folding the linen cloths and putting them away.
   I sat there for a moment pondering my prayer to God, what I just said to Him. I checked my watch and I had been there for a half an hour. It didn't seem like it, but it was. So I stood up, genuflected, and left the chapel.
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   Nights I cried myself to sleep thinking of the terrible things that might happen to Connor. The horrible nightmares awaking me with sweat, tears, and anger. I can't help but feel that Connor is sick... he's sick because of me. I wasn't the cause of his cancer, I know, but it feels like that.
   School was the worst. Every time I passed by... sympathy flashed through the eyes of people I have never talked to. Sympathy. I began to hate the word.
   I never talked to Connor about what happened at school. He was homeschooled now, so I barely saw him. I saw him only on the weekends, and the week if I was lucky.
   I never told him how I really felt about him. Not once. Maybe not ever... but I was going to before he goes...
   Soon enough it was Christmas. Everyone started asking me what I wanted, but I didn't want anything. I secretly wanted something that no one could give me... Hope.
   "So what do you want for Christmas?" Connor asked me one day when I came to visit him.
   Oh no, what was I supposed to say? "Nothing really," I just said.
   "Oh, me neither," he responded.
   His mom came in just then and said, "You guys want some snacks?" We both shook our heads surprising each other, "We're fine mom," She nodded and walked away.
   There was silence, then... laughter.
   We laughed for about five minutes. "Why are we laughing?" I asked cracking up.
   "I have no clue!"
   When we stopped, I wish we didn't. That was the first time in over a year I had laughed. It felt good. Really good. I wish it could've gone on forever.
   Then Connor asked me a serious question, "Do you love me?"
   My heart beat like a drum. He never asked me such a serious question before in my life. We were always joking around and playing war with toy guns and swords. No question ever came up like that before. I didn't know what to say. Did I love him? Did I really?
   "I... um... Do... do you love me?" I shouldn't have repeated the question, but I had to know if he loved me or not.
   "Yes. You've been my best friend for so long. I don't know what I'd do without you, Mads. At night I dream about you. If I lost you, if I couldn't see you anymore... I love you Mads,"
   I didn't look at him, if I did I would start crying.
   "Please, say something," Connor sounded desperate, but also affectionate and caring, like he always was.
   I finally got enough courage to say, "You mean a lot to me too. I should have told you before, but I was just scared... until now, I love you Connor,"
   He smiled a little. "Now I know how you really feel about me. You know what hurts most about this cancer?"
   I shook my head, "What?"
   "Knowing that I won't be with you anymore. That's the reason that I loved you for so many years," I saw sadness in his eyes.
   I looked down, "Exactly how I feel."
   We didn't say anything for a while and then I said, "I should get home, it's late,"
   We stood up and I opened the door to walk about, but before I could even step outside, Connor grabbed my shoulder, turned me around, and kissed my cheek. I glowed inside. He said, "Goodnight."
  
  

Finding Hope: Chapter 3

   Weeks went by like a hurricane. Connor wasn't in the hospital anymore, he was living at home again, which was good for him. I went to see him as often as I could. The more I saw him, it was going to be harder for me to say goodbye... I didn't know how I was going to face that. Saying goodbye forever. Which made the pain in my heart grow even more.
   One day I went to see Connor. Something caught me by the eye. Something I never thought I'd see.
   "Now, I  know what you're thinking, how did this happen?" Connor said gesturing me to sit on the couch.
   I nodded, he went on, "Well, when you have cancer, you're hair falls out from the medicine you're taking. Get it now?"
   I remember learning about that somewhere. I nodded again feeling cold with sadness.
   "Hey, you okay, Mads?" I looked up surprised. He hasn't called me 'Mads' in such a long time. He gave me that nickname when we were little kids.
   He noticed I looked surprised and said, "Yes, I still remember the nickname I gave you, you want to tell me what's the matter?"
   I shook my head with regret. I knew I should have told him what's on my mind, but I can't put it into words. How I feel about his cancer, how I really care about him. But, I just couldn't do it.
   Connor looked away. Dead silence lurked into his living room. Coldness. Emptiness started to come to me. Say something! Someone! Please, I can't take this anymore!
   I jumped up, ran out of his house and down the street feeling the shivers from the cold fall air flashing through my body.
   I run in my backyard, climb up the tree that hangs to my window, hop inside my room, kick my boots off, and fall to my bed crying.
   What an idiot! Why did you do that in front of Connor. He probably thinks you're crazy now, Madison! I thought of all of the mean things I was saying to myself. I hated myself for it, but I shouldn't, it was wrong to hate, but I didn't care right now.
   After a few minutes, I calmed down. Now, I had to go back to Connor's house and apologize.
   But, when I got to the door to walk out, Connor was standing right there.
   "Hey, Madison. I came to say, I'm sorry if I ever said anything to you that made you run away. Sorry," I was shocked at this.
   "Oh, Connor, it wasn't your fault. I just have so many thoughts going on in my crazy head that I can't bear to tell you," I confessed.
   "Well maybe if you told me, you wouldn't feel like this anymore, maybe I could help you," Connor suggested.
   "Alright, I'll try. Come on in." I said.
   I told Connor everything. When I was done, he said, "Madison, it'll be okay. I know what's coming... and I'm not afraid," he was trembling with his words.
   "I be there for you no matter what, okay?" he said.
   I hesitated, "Promise?"
   He responded, "Promise."
  

  

Finding Hope: Chapter 2

   Saturday came and my mom drove me to the hospital to see Connor. I didn't feel like dressing up like I usually do. I usually wear dressy pants, a pretty ruffled pink or brown top, earrings, wedged shoes, and put a ribbon in my hair and braid it. But today I have on Capri's (even though it is Fall), a Yankee sweatshirt, tennishoes, and my hair is in a ponytail.
   Before we left, my twelve year old sister, Jane wanted to tag along, but my mom told her it was a special trip just for me. I was only going to see Connor. I was the only one in the long line of people who really cared for Connor. At least in the long line of all of his friends.
   Once my mom pulled up at the hospital door, I got out and she parked in the parking lot and was going to wait in the lobby until I was done visiting Connor.
   I walked to one of the nurses and asked, "Do you know where Connor Hudson's room is?" She nodded and said, "Second floor, down the hall to the left."
   I said thank you in reply and took the elevator to the second floor.
   When I was up at the second floor I walked down the hall and when I came to Connor's hospital room, I peeked in the window first and saw Connor reading a book. I squinted to get a better look at what he was reading; he was reading Shakespeare's 'A Midnight Summer's Dream.'
   I stood back, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. He must have put the book away because it took a while before he said, "Come in."
   When he said it, I opened the door and he said, "Oh, hey, Madison," I closed the door, walked to the side of his bed, and said, "Hey, Connor. How are you?"
   I studied his face. He didn't look too good. He looked like he hadn't slept in a few days and he looked skinnier.
   "Been better. I guess you know, huh?" He said lifting his eyebrows.
   I nodded not smiling. I couldn't stand to see him like this. He was only fourteen. His life was just starting. He had a whole future ahead of him. He wanted to be an engineer when he grew up, or a writer. And God was going to take all that away from him?
   While all of these thoughts and emotions were running through my mind, Connor stood up without me even noticing he stood up. It caught me by full surprise.
   "You can stand up?" I asked staring at him. "Yeah, of course. I get up to walk around the hospital sometimes, I even met an old lady down the hall the other day. Her name is Cordelia. She's really sick, she said she might die soon, so I want to be there when she does." Connor's happy face turned upside down.
   "Oh, I'd like to meet her too, if that's okay?" I suggested. He smiled again which almost brought tears to my eyes, I loved when I saw him smile. It was a cute, lame, happy smile. Which only Connor could make.
   "I'm sure she'd love to meet you too!" he exclaimed. What a joy he was even when he knew he was sick.
   Just then, Connor noticed I wasn't dressed up like I normally was.
   "Oh, today was just a random day I didn't feel like dressing up," I said not daring to look Connor in the face.
   "Oh, it's just, that you never looked like this before when I was around you, is something troubling you, Madison?" he said.
   Oh Connor! I want to tell you everything! I want to tell you how sad I am about your cancer, I want to tell you how much you mean to me, I want you to be alive for many many years to come!
   But instead of saying what I was thinking, I just said, "Nothing, I'm fine,"
   He knew something was wrong because he knew how I acted whenever I had something on my mind, but instead of insisting anymore, he said, "Want to go meet Cordelia?"
   I liked that idea, "Of course!" He smiled.
   We left the room to go see Cordelia. All I could think of was Connor meeting old ladies, now that's a first!

Another Character...

Madison's little sister, Jane

Madison and Jane

Finding Hope: Chapter 1

The sun, the autumn leaves, the feeling of everything so miraculous just falls apart without me even noticing. I wish that I could fix everything. One thing in particular, but I will come back to that later.
Fall was here, but it feels like winter though. All I feel is coldness. Darkness. Loneliness. The truth is, that I didn't feel like this before. Before... well before something happened. That thing... is something terrible. Something I never want to mention, but if i never mention it, then you won't know what it is I am talking about, so here is the story: It was like any other day, I was studying my Geography in my bedroom when my mom comes in.
"Hey, Madison, do you have a moment?" my mom asked and sat down on my bed.
"Sure, what's going on?" I asked. She hesitated. I saw sadness in her eyes, that made me worried and uncomfortable.
"Well, sweetie. This is a very hard thing for me to tell you," she paused.
I was silent. She went on, "But... Connor's mom called me..." I froze. Why would Connor, my best friend in the whole world since kindergarten call my mother?!
"He, um..." she was very hesitant. I patiently waited for her to get it out. But I was also very nervous. I noticed tears started to form in her eyes... why was she crying?!
"Madison," she touched my leg, "Madison...Connor has cancer," I shifted away from her... "Cancer?!" I was hypervenelating. "Wh..why?! Why does he have cancer?! When did this happen?!" I started to cry.
"His mom just called me before I came in your room to tell you. They found out while he was in the hospital yesterday," my mom tried to calm me down.
I dreaded to ask this, "...What kind of cancer?" She hesitated again.
"...He has.. he has brain cancer," the words floated around in my head...brain cancer.
The tears that rolled down my cheeks were like fireballs, one after the other.
My mom gave me a tissue, "I'll leave you alone to think about this, if you need anything just tell me, alright?" I nodded and she left.
I sat there. Ten minutes. An hour, not moving. Pondering whether to see Connor or not. I decided that I would see him when I think it is right.
I will see him tomorrow.

Main Characters For FINDING HOPE

Connor

 

Madison (another picture of her)

 

That is all of the main characters. I will start posting very soon!!

 

 

 

Coming Soon!

FINDING HOPE-COMING SOON!

Main Characters:

Madison

More to come!

 

NOTE: Other main characters pictures are to come later. :)